i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
