Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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