Whod you bang
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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