did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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