Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
