So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
