I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
