genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
