i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
