jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
