It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
