this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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