Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
