It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
