I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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