Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
