my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
