god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
