Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
