the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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