Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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