how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
