she woke up with a sticky ear
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
