Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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