He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
