At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
