Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
