No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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