im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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