I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
