That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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