You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My hand turned me down
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
