I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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