If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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