mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
