She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
