Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
