I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
