The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
