I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
