and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
