You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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