so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
