I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
