exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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