This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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