How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
