Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
