Quick, to the slutcave!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
