Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
