well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
