Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
