You can't motorboat a personality
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
