went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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