Umm I'm too high to move.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
